9/365 New faith

As I began to explore my new faith, it felt like putting on a special outfit. At first it felt strange, too unfamiliar - but I was very excited to wear it. Almost like a small girl dressing up in her mom's clothes. The shoes didn't fit right, the dress was too big, but I was so thrilled!

But each day, it began to feel more normal. Almost like I was growing into it. Soon it felt natural, a part of me. I wasn't entirely sure how to grow my faith though. It was as if I had stumbled into a beautiful garden that was given to me, but I wasn't sure how to feed it or weed it or tend it. So I tried to do what seemed to make sense. 

I spent time reading my bible. I was familiar with the basic stories from the early years of Sunday School, so I spent most of my time reading the New Testament (the Jesus chapters). Honestly, some of it was confusing and seemed to contradict itself. But a good teacher had once told me to just keep reading, don't let the confusion stop you. 

I listened to Christian music. Now, this is tricky, because as a musician I love music. It speaks to me. It soothes me and inspires me. But Christian music is, well......... hit or miss. Especially in the early 90's. There wasn't much to choose from that didn't sound like the Gaithers (not that there's anything wrong with that). But what I did find I listened too. 

I prayed. For me, this means I said some thoughts out loud. I spoke to God and asked for guidance. I explained how I was feeling. Sometimes I didn't say a thing out loud, but I had an interior monologue. Often I journaled, almost writing letters to God. 

The biggest part of my early development was my church. Logical, right? But the church was also a huge part of my social development. Church was the place where I saw some of my closest friends. These were new and old friends and I loved them. But it was also full of normal teen issues and often the source of hurt and conflict. This surprised me after that first camp. I guess I thought that everyone must have had the same experience I had and I was honestly shocked the first time that petty rivalries reared their heads a few weeks after camp. 

So while navigating the strange waters of those early years, I was also navigating relationships. Some of these deepened my faith, others challenged it. But they each shaped it.