That was the day I made a choice to move from being a spectator to a participant.
Even at the age of 13, I realized that most of religious and spiritual experiences were voyeur in nature. I watched other people do it. I watched preachers preach, teachers teach, singers sing and artists create. I listened to the doers describe it and took notes. But I had very little personal application. I sang if the group was singing, played if the group was playing and prayed if the group was praying. But it just wasn't something that factored into my day to day life. I had two identities - church girl and real world girl. It would have no sooner occurred to me to pray in school or for people at school than it would have occurred to me to take an algebra test at church.
But June 26, 1991 was the day that I decided to incorporate both worlds. That night was "salvation night". (All the baptists in the room as nodding knowingly right now). For those of you new to it, during most camps or religious retreats, there is a point (normally a day or two before the end of the week) where the preacher pulls out all the stops. It's a no holds barred attempt to win souls for Christ! It happens at VBS (Vacation Bible School), Camps, retreats and even funeral services. I had experienced it for years, having attended such events over and over. But this night was different.
There was definitely an emotional hype to it. It was the stage of the week where all the campers were sufficiently plugged in. No one had watched TV in 4 days. We were used to eating together and being together all the time. We were used to talking about our faith and experiences with God with all kinds of people all day long. So it is the logical time to made the big sale. I realized it at the time. But I also decided that I wanted to be a part of it.
I remember that night. The service began innocently enough, my friends and I sat in the back rows so we could pass notes. But somewhere during the message, it started to impact me differently. I started to wonder if this applied to me. The senior pastor of the church preached a sermon and at the end, he said (as he says nearly every time he preaches), "if anyone here wants to begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, come forward now". I heard him. I remember staring at the ground, cause all throughout the service I had been thinking about just that.
I don't remember the minute I decided to go forward - I've been trying to recover that memory since that night! I don't remember standing up, moving down the row. What I remember was looking at the carpet - that dark green background and the pink lines and circles. I remember thinking to myself that it was strange that the carpet was moving. Then I looked up and I was more than half ways to the front.
I remember having the thought that I could turn around at this moment if I wanted to. And I decided I didn't want to. I wanted to go forward. I wasn't entirely sure what to do when I got there, but I wasn't alone. There were many other people there, but I didn't really recognize them. I knelt down and put my head down. I didn't really pray along with the pastor at that point, but I just thought about being there.
My prayers happened one on one a little later.
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