My view of faith and relationship with God changed as I grew up - obviously. As my world viewpoint developed, I began to incorporate faith into it. Since I attended a baptist church, a personal relationship with God was very important.
Most baptists believe that the only route to salvation and eternity with God in Heaven is through a personal relationship begun by confessing your sins and accepting redemption and salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus. If you admit that Jesus died for your sins and confess that you desire to follow in the behaviors modeled by Jesus, then you are a Christian. You mark that decision by public baptism (immersion in water).
Having seen baptisms my whole life, it was a natural progression for me. When I reached 7th grade though, I struggled. Being good, aka Godly, was easy for me in elementary school - I was a good kid, teacher's pet. But Junior High was full of different struggles and I grappled with my identity. I didn't feel like I was good enough for just about everything - so I must not be a Christian. I hadn't been baptized, so I wasn't a Christian. Even though I tried to be a nice person, I consistently felt as if I wasn't measuring up everywhere. It was a typical big fish little pond experience for me.
The summer after my first year in Junior High, I attended a camp created by my church. I had attended camp as a child in elementary - but the focus on that camp was to rehearse and put on a musical for our parents and in our down time to play, swim and have fun. The focus on this new camp was all about having a relationship with God. From the time we woke up in the morning to passing out in the wee hours of the night, we walked, talked, breathed and experienced God. We were taught about God, our counselors were all Christians, our older peers were Christians, our role models explained how life was better as a Christian. It was intoxicating.
By the fourth day there, I had ceased feeling as if I wasn't good enough. This group of people embraced me. They liked me. They wanted to be with me. My friends and I were astonished. I had met M. a year ago, but it was at this camp that we spent time together. We identified with each others emotional deficiencies and seemed to share a common sense of wonder at how happy everyone was.
On June 26, 1991, we both made a decision that altered the course of our lives.
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